The Assumptions We Make

I was recently part of a group conversation where we were discussing “articulating your value.” A few of us were challenging the participants to think through how they add value to an organization to help them clarify how they position themselves. One young woman had developed an impressive framework to illustrate how she thinks about her value proposition. She shared it with the entire group which elicited many “oohs” and “aahhs”…all well deserved, because it was outstanding work.

And then, one person made a remark that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was very surprising to me because he is one of the most aware and enlightened people I’ve met. And yet, he asked this young woman, “Did you develop this yourself? Or did somebody help you with this?”

I just have to talk about the assumptions implied by this question.

Before I address the assumptions, let me first establish that this is not about intention. In fact, I’m confident the questioner had no intention at all for his questions to create any ill will or make the presenter uncomfortable. However, the truth is that all leaders have blind spots and even if the intention was not unkind, we have to remember that words still have impact.

Now, for the assumptions. First, and the most obvious, is an assumption that this framework was not created by the young woman who was presenting it. There was nothing she had said that indicated otherwise. Recall that the assignment was to share how the participants think about articulating their value, so a more reasonable assumption would have been that if she was sharing it, it must be her work.

I jumped into the conversation because I wanted to know why had the question been asked. The response was, “I do this for a living and this is better than what I have.”

Unfortunately, this response implies another assumption: effectively it centers this person in the evaluation of all work. By saying “this is better than what I have,” it implies that his experience is the standard for outstanding work. There is also the danger that because the presenter did not look like him, this remark also could imply that it was hard for the inquirer to imagine that she could be the originator of something so good that came from outside of his experience. (Although, in the case of of this particular person, whom I have found to be incredibly open minded and aware, that is untrue. Again, no ill intention.)

Ouch! There were many other possible responses that would have been more productive. For example, asking “How did you come up with this approach?” would have given the presenter the chance to talk about where the work originated and, on the chance it hadn’t come from her, she could have acknowledged that. Or, starting with “I do this for a living and this is better than what I have,” would have been a compliment about the work while also creating an opportunity to discuss the origins, if appropriate.

My other observation about this experience is that the young woman was about to answer the question before I interrupted. It makes me wonder if this type of experience has been so normalized, that no one else really thought twice about what had been asked. That also might explain why the inquirer, who is highly self aware, may have missed the implications. To his great credit, he was very gracious about my interruption and the ensuing discussion and even agreed to me publishing this article (which I shared with him first).

Later, I had an opportunity to speak with the young woman and asked her why she started to answer the question. She shared that she is so programmed to expect to be questioned when presenting her work, she didn’t stop to think about it. Double ouch!

I’ve unfortunately had the same experience in my career, once with a senior person who was very familiar with my capabilities because I'd worked for him more than once. I was so taken aback when I presented an idea to him that he thought was outstanding and then he asked me “Who gave you that idea?” Of course, because I was reporting to him, I had to be circumspect in responding. I chose to use humor (“All this time I thought you knew me so well,” I said with a smile), but made sure that the lesson was clear: an assumption had been made.

These experiences are a reminder that everyone has blind spots. As leaders, we have a responsibility to develop an awareness of our behavior and to root out bad habits. Our goal should be to come from a place of curiosity and inquiry and to use that curiosity to examine whether we make similar assumptions about similar types of people. For some, that may mean employing a coach who can provide an objective point of view. For others, a review of the data of past decisions to uncover any patterns or asking for feedback from team members, may be the better approach. Whatever form it takes, dispelling assumptions and clearing our blind spots makes for a more inclusive environment which leads to a stronger team. Ultimately, that should be a goal to which we all aspire.